so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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