11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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