Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
