The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
