if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
