Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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