Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
