He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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