It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I have fence marks all over my body
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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