you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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