Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
