She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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