so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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