Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
