Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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