I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
