dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
