apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
