see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
how does that bad decision feel?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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