The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
