airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
dude. I can hear the air.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
