Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
