can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Sorry about my life...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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