Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
