My liver just broke up with me...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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