I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
