Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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