seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
