What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
