The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
