things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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