3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
