I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
