and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
