I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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