I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
