I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
