So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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