In the future we'll all be gay
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
