I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
