Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
