We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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