So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
