I could have mohawked her pubes.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
