I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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