At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
