Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
