She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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