I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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