my sisters under your porch take her home
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
