I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
