I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
