Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
