I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
