Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
