The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
